Hot Flashes & Cold Brew

People look at my life and they are usually impressed.

“You have three kids.”

“You’re married.”

“You’re a nurse.”

“You have two degrees.”

“And you’re in Family Nurse Practitioner school?”

Then comes the comment I hear all the time.

“I don’t know how you do it all.”

For a long time, I took that as a compliment.

Because the truth is, I was always goal-driven. I liked having something to work toward. I liked accomplishing things. I liked proving to myself that I could handle more.

So I kept adding to my plate.

I worked nights as a nurse. I went to school. I took care of my family. I chased the next goal and then the next one after that.

From the outside, it probably looked impressive.

But there was a cost.

A cost I didn’t fully understand until years later.

I was there, but I wasn’t present.

As moms, we get really good at convincing ourselves that being physically present is enough.

I was sitting at the dinner table.

I was at the soccer game.

I was home with my kids.

But mentally?

I was somewhere else.

Thinking about work.

Thinking about school.

Thinking about the next assignment, the next shift, the next goal, the next thing that needed to get done.

My body was in the room, but my mind often wasn’t.

And my boys felt it.

Kids always do.

They may not understand why Mom seems distracted, exhausted, or overwhelmed, but they feel it.

Looking back, I realize I spent years putting my family second without meaning to.

Not because I didn’t love them.

Not because they weren’t important.

But because I convinced myself that if I just worked harder now, life would be better later.

The problem is that childhood doesn’t wait for later.

Those years keep moving whether you’re paying attention or not.

And if I’m being completely honest, that’s one of my biggest regrets.

Not the degrees.

Not the long shifts.

Not the hard work.

The moments I missed while I was busy trying to build a future.

Thankfully, maturity has a way of teaching lessons that ambition can’t.

Today, my life looks very different.

I’m still in FNP school.

I’m still driven.

I’m still working toward big goals.

But my priorities have changed completely.

My family comes first.

Not in theory.

Not in a motivational quote kind of way.

In real life.

I work per diem.

I protect my time.

I don’t fill every empty space on my calendar.

I make time for date nights with my husband.

I make time for movie nights with my boys.

I make sure I am available when they need me.

I put my phone down.

I listen.

I show up.

Fully.

And something amazing happened when I made that shift.

Our family became closer.

The boys became happier.

They’re thriving in school.

My relationship with my husband feels stronger than ever.

The connection I always wanted with my family started growing because I was finally giving it what it needed—my attention.

Not just my presence.

My attention.

What’s funny is that the thing I feared most never happened.

I thought slowing down would hurt my goals.

It didn’t.

I’m doing very well in FNP school.

I’m still moving forward.

I’m still growing.

The difference is that now I’m growing alongside my family instead of away from them.

If there’s one thing, I wish someone had told me years ago, it’s this:

You can absolutely have big dreams.

You can achieve incredible things.

You can set the bar high.

But you cannot do everything at full speed, all the time, forever.

Eventually, something or someone pays the price.

The question is what you’re willing to sacrifice.

For me, the answer is different now.

The degrees will still be there.

The opportunities will still be there.

But my boys won’t always be little.

One day the movie nights will end.

One day they won’t need me to tuck them in.

One day the house will be quiet.

And when that day comes, I don’t want to look back wishing I had spent more time chasing accomplishments.

I want to look back knowing I was present for the people who mattered most.

The goals are important.

But the people you love are the reason the goals matter in the first place.

Don’t forget that. 🧡