Hot Flashes & Cold Brew

Today is my 40th birthday.

I’ve spent weeks thinking about how I was going to celebrate this milestone. With the boys at school and Dave at work, I finally have a few hours completely to myself. Should I treat myself to a fancy coffee and a pastry? Enjoy a leisurely lunch? Wander the aisles of Target or Old Navy with nowhere to be and no one asking for snacks?

I wasn’t sure.

After all, turning 40 feels like something that should be celebrated. The big 4-0. Surely I should be doing something.

Then I heard a quiet voice whisper, dolce fa niente.

An Italian phrase that translates to “the sweetness of doing nothing.”

We are so programmed to fill every empty space. Stay productive. Stay busy. Make the most of every minute. Rest almost feels like an obligation we have to justify rather than a gift we are allowed to receive.

But that’s not how I was raised.

My family comes from Calabria, a beautiful region in southern Italy. Growing up, life wasn’t rushed. If a task took all day, then so be it. Midday meals stretched well beyond an hour. After lunch, people took walks, sat outside, talked with neighbors, or simply enjoyed the moment. Time wasn’t something to conquer — it was something to savor.

Somewhere along the way, many of us forgot that.

So today, in honor of my 40th birthday, I’ve decided to celebrate differently.

No packed agenda. No grand plans. No pressure to make the day memorable.

But underneath the quiet, something else is happening too.

Forty doesn’t feel like an ending to me. It feels like I’ve quietly shed an old version of myself — the one who second-guessed, who shrunk herself to make room for everyone else, who needed permission to simply be. And in her place is a woman who is just… settled. Secure. Who advocates for herself without apology. Who feels happy in her own skin, grateful for the life she’s built, and at peace with exactly who she is.

I didn’t expect that to be the gift of 40. But it is.

So today, I’m taking off my shoes, curling up on the couch, and watching a show without feeling guilty about it. I’m allowing myself to be still — not because I have nothing to offer, but because for the first time in a long time, I don’t feel like I have to prove anything.

Maybe the greatest gift I can give myself at 40 isn’t another thing to do.

Maybe it’s the quiet, grateful knowing that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be — and exactly who I’m supposed to be too.

Life doesn’t always need to be filled to be meaningful.

Sometimes the sweetest moments — and the sweetest version of ourselves — are found in doing absolutely nothing at all. 🧡